Ronan the Barbarian Series by James Bibby

In the adventure of the Singing Sword our avenging heroes find themselves pittedagainst the nauseating Nekros,killer of Ronan's noble swordsmith father and then unexpectedly in league with the wizard Anthrax,whose skills are second to none(if you really want to hear your psychopathic donkey's every thought,that is).Ronan must find the singing sword and put to death the evil Nekros, but will that be the end of it-only time will tell.And it's doubtful,given the nature of these things.

Sometimes Tyson really wished she hadn't followed her father's trade and become a warrior. In a world of six-foot, muscle-bound men full to the brim with testosterone it wasn't easy being five feet four and female. But Tyson had learned to cope, and the male warriors had learned to respect her (well,they had little choice, it was either that or get very dead very quickly). Then she met up with Ronan, and life became a LOT more fun... moreSometimes Tyson really wished she hadn't followed her father's trade and become a warrior. In a world of six-foot, muscle-bound men full to the brim with testosterone it wasn't easy being five feet four and female. But Tyson had learned to cope, and the male warriors had learned to respect her (well,they had little choice, it was either that or get very dead very quickly). Then she met up with Ronan, and life became a LOT more fun.But now someone has kidnapped him - and so Tyson is going to get him back. It shouldn't be too much of a problem; she only has to get past the most powerful witch in Midworld and an orc army several thousand strong. And she does have a couple of friends to lean on. Unfortunately, they happen to be Tarl, a man who claims to have cadged a free drink in every pub in Midworld, and Puss, a psychopathic little donkey with a nasty line in sarcasm and a taste for meat-feast pizza.And Tyson isn't the only woman with a problem. Amongst the Vagens (a tribe of Yuppie Vikings who have terrorised antique shops and fabric warehouses the length of the coast) lives Klaer, a princess who is determined to captain the first raiding longboat to have an all-women crew.Will Tyson and Klaer succeed? Will Tarl get thrown out of another pub? Will Puss discover how nice orc-flesh tastes? There's only one way to find out...Ronan's Rescue is the second book in the Ronan trilogy and has been painfully translated from the original Gibberish by James Bibby."A genuinely funny humorous fantasy" - SFX magazine."Should grace the bookshelves of anyone who considers themselves afficionados of humorous literature" - Tales from the Broken Drum magazine less

"...but the father of Midworldian Genetics is generally accepted to be Martel the Holy, a monk from Ilex, who postulated his Theory of Genetic Inheritance in Year 1027. In fact, hampered as he was by a sheltered and completely innocent upbringing, he postulated three different theories. Martel's First Theory stated that an individual would inherit fifty percent of their genetic make-up from their mother, and fifty percent from the gooseberry bush under which they had been found... more"...but the father of Midworldian Genetics is generally accepted to be Martel the Holy, a monk from Ilex, who postulated his Theory of Genetic Inheritance in Year 1027. In fact, hampered as he was by a sheltered and completely innocent upbringing, he postulated three different theories. Martel's First Theory stated that an individual would inherit fifty percent of their genetic make-up from their mother, and fifty percent from the gooseberry bush under which they had been found. Martel's Second Theory stated that this latter fifty percent was in fact inherited from the stork which had brought them. It was only after an extremely close encounter with a nun from the Holy Sisterhood of Carnal Enlightenment that he postulated his third theory, and this time he got it right. However, he also discovered that sex was an awful lot more fun than doing a load of crappy experiments with fruit flies, and abandoned Genetics for a life devoted to the pleasures of the flesh. He died, white-haired, stooped and almost blind, at the age of twenty-seven." - ENCYCLOPAEDIA MIDWORLDIASomeone is out to get Ronan and his friends. The Guild of Assassins are after him - and so are some of the lethal animal killing-machines bioengineered in the magenetic laboritories of the Dwarves beneath the mountains of the north. This time our heroes find they are up against the real bad guys - the board of the Orcbane Sword Corporation, manufacturer of some of the most desired weaponry in Midworld.In the third book of the Ronan trilogy, our heroes meet up with some more of Midworld's strange inhabitants, such as Marwood, the crap assassin, and Beneltin, a dwarf who wants to become a stand-up comedian. Will they all come out in one piece? Quite possibly not, actually... less