Demon-Hearted Series by Ambrose Ibsen

I'm one of those disgruntled millennials you've heard about on the evening news. I've got a master's degree in Art History, a mountain of student loan debt and no job to show for it. Wait, scratch that. I track down stolen pieces of art for wealthy clients and then beat whoever stole them to within an inch of their life. Say what you will, but it puts bread on the table. Something went wrong with this last job of mine, though... moreI'm one of those disgruntled millennials you've heard about on the evening news. I've got a master's degree in Art History, a mountain of student loan debt and no job to show for it. Wait, scratch that. I track down stolen pieces of art for wealthy clients and then beat whoever stole them to within an inch of their life. Say what you will, but it puts bread on the table. Something went wrong with this last job of mine, though. I walked in on something I wasn't supposed to see and got murdered by witches. Yeah, real, legit witches. Never saw that one coming, did you? Neither did I, and the only reason I'm writing this is because some doctor working for an ancient secret society decided it would be a good idea to use me as a science experiment. See, he implanted a new heart in me and saved my life, but it wasn't just any old heart. It was a demon's heart. Nifty, eh? Anyhow, I'm back and better than ever, except that, now and then, the demon takes over completely and I do awful things. Lose control. But enough about that. This is a story about how I (mostly) rein in the demon's impulsive personality and seek revenge against the coven of witches that tried to kill me. Along the way, I learn a thing or two about this secret society I'm apparently now a member of and find out that there's a lot of shit out there that goes “bump” in the night. Mandatory Disclaimer: Yeah, look, some people don't like the way I talk. I say words like “fuck” a lot. If you want to take this ride, then you should know there's going to be a whole lot of cussing and violence along the way. And if I'm lucky, there'll be some skin, too. But, who knows? Maybe you'll like it, you filthy animal. less

This is an inspirational book about personal growth... Ah, who the hell am I kidding? I'm Lucian Colt, and this story is mainly about me punching zombies in the face. Loads of 'em. You'd think that life would be easy-breezy for a handsome, demonic badass like me, but you'd be wrong. The demon doesn't help me with rent, doesn't help me pick up chicks or anything fun like that. Instead, he's all about violence. Lots of it... moreThis is an inspirational book about personal growth... Ah, who the hell am I kidding? I'm Lucian Colt, and this story is mainly about me punching zombies in the face. Loads of 'em. You'd think that life would be easy-breezy for a handsome, demonic badass like me, but you'd be wrong. The demon doesn't help me with rent, doesn't help me pick up chicks or anything fun like that. Instead, he's all about violence. Lots of it. So, when this super-powered necromancer shows up in town and starts emptying the city's graveyards, my buddy Gadreel thinks it's go-time. Before the Veiled Order knows it, a war is about to break out between the living and the dead. Pretty scary, eh? Oh, and get this! Turns out that this Demon-Heart gig isn't all it's cracked up to be. The guys who stuck this infernal organ in me left out the fact that, someday, when I die, I'll be heading straight to Hell. Ain't that a bitch? Join me as I kick some major ass, have an existential crisis, get shot down by cute girls, generally fuck everything up for my friends and, just maybe, come out of the deal having learned how valuable my teammates are. It's going to be a wild and filthy ride! Trigger Warning: This book has a lot of guns in it, and sometimes, their triggers get pulled, resulting in devastating headshots. If you're not into that sort of thing, or if you've got issues with dirty words, dirty thoughts or talking spiders, then slowly back away from this book and retreat to your safe space. Wouldn't want you to get your feelings hurt. less