Wildcat Wizard Series by Al K. Line

Meet Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Screwed. When I was killed for the fifth time, and before breakfast, I knew for sure I'd made a terrible mistake. It was meant to be a simple job. Steal item, deliver said item to my posh broker, get paid. Easy peasy wizard squeezy. Blame it on the insomnia, my own greed, or maybe just stupidity, but I swear on my wand I didn't know what was in the bag. If I had, I'd never have got involved... moreMeet Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Screwed. When I was killed for the fifth time, and before breakfast, I knew for sure I'd made a terrible mistake. It was meant to be a simple job. Steal item, deliver said item to my posh broker, get paid. Easy peasy wizard squeezy. Blame it on the insomnia, my own greed, or maybe just stupidity, but I swear on my wand I didn't know what was in the bag. If I had, I'd never have got involved. Soon, every gangster, spook, and magic abuser in the city wanted what I had. But they went too far, broke the Code. Backed up by my faery godmother, and a Stepford mom who's main goal in life was to be my sidekick, the body count escalated as the truth was revealed. And they all forgot one important thing. The Hat's a goddamn Wildcat Wizard! less

Okay, so an elf blasted his way into my kitchen and it resulted in me killing a man in the nastiest of ways, but that's an occupational hazard. Good news? I had a job, and it was a doozy. It was time to go steal a magical belt, the infamous Ræth Næg. That wasn't the best part, though. Yeah, that's right, I got to wear my ninja slippers ❤ But nothing was as it seemed, and elves were not to be trusted. Plus, there was the small issue of the million dollars... moreOkay, so an elf blasted his way into my kitchen and it resulted in me killing a man in the nastiest of ways, but that's an occupational hazard. Good news? I had a job, and it was a doozy. It was time to go steal a magical belt, the infamous Ræth Næg. That wasn't the best part, though. Yeah, that's right, I got to wear my ninja slippers ❤ But nothing was as it seemed, and elves were not to be trusted. Plus, there was the small issue of the million dollars. Oh, and the Hounds, and Vicky, who was doing my head in, and the vampires, and... You'll just have to read the damn book to find out the rest. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Screwed (again). less

I'd killed four men in the morning, and by the afternoon things had become seriously out of hand. But the portal was moved and I could rest easy. Or so I thought. Time for a family dinner and a nice smoke. Alas, it was not to be. Enter one very powerful vampire, gangster supremo, and unhappy camper. He had a job for me, but I told him I didn't do missing persons. I stole things for a living, not detective work... moreI'd killed four men in the morning, and by the afternoon things had become seriously out of hand. But the portal was moved and I could rest easy. Or so I thought. Time for a family dinner and a nice smoke. Alas, it was not to be. Enter one very powerful vampire, gangster supremo, and unhappy camper. He had a job for me, but I told him I didn't do missing persons. I stole things for a living, not detective work. Ivan wouldn't take no for an answer though, and that's when the real trouble started. Still saddled with a neurotic soccer mom who seemed immune to the danger, and with issues way beyond my ability to deal with, we enter the dark, seedy underbelly of the criminal world. What we discover will change our lives forever, and not in a good way. Is there no end to the wickedness of man? Apparently not. Yeah, The Hat's screwed (yet again). less

Vicky, my annoying sidekick, had gone slightly deranged, my daughter was off with the faeries, literally, and I was frazzled as my insomnia worsened. But who could turn down a job when the payout was so great? Not this wizard. The job was easy, some might say too easy, and that made me nervous. For good reason. Something was out there, and it really wanted what I'd taken. The Hat lives by a Code though, and once he does a job he always delivers... moreVicky, my annoying sidekick, had gone slightly deranged, my daughter was off with the faeries, literally, and I was frazzled as my insomnia worsened. But who could turn down a job when the payout was so great? Not this wizard. The job was easy, some might say too easy, and that made me nervous. For good reason. Something was out there, and it really wanted what I'd taken. The Hat lives by a Code though, and once he does a job he always delivers. As secret organizations do their best to thwart me, vampires use me as their plaything, and I stress about my life and my future, or lack of, I wonder whether I should call it a day and just go do some gardening. Who am I kidding? I love this stuff, and I will not back down, even if God himself gets involved. Which he very well might. less

Without honor, a wizard's nothing but a scruffy man with a stick in his pocket. But honor comes at a price, and I sure as hell paid it. What started as a favor for a vampire—the kind of favor you can't refuse—quickly turned into something epic and life-changing. A team was organized, and we set about performing the largest heist in magical history. Unsurprisingly, things didn't go swimmingly... moreWithout honor, a wizard's nothing but a scruffy man with a stick in his pocket. But honor comes at a price, and I sure as hell paid it. What started as a favor for a vampire—the kind of favor you can't refuse—quickly turned into something epic and life-changing. A team was organized, and we set about performing the largest heist in magical history. Unsurprisingly, things didn't go swimmingly. Even as plans unraveled, and the death count rose, I was unprepared for the depths of treachery and the repercussions for what I'd done. If that wasn't enough, Death was acting weird, I was having a very bad hair day, and my sex life, or usual lack of, got very complicated, very quickly. Still, my honor remained intact, just not a lot else. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Not amused. less

It all started in the usual manner. Vicky fondling slimy beastie tentacles, me shouting at her, everything going wrong, us eventually getting away, even getting paid. But our new client, bored with his life, decided he wanted in on some wizard action... moreIt all started in the usual manner. Vicky fondling slimy beastie tentacles, me shouting at her, everything going wrong, us eventually getting away, even getting paid. But our new client, bored with his life, decided he wanted in on some wizard action. What better way to do that than summon the Hangman? Before I could say, "Hey, don't touch that," everything came crashing down and being chased by an immortal dude in dusty jeans and surprisingly boxfresh footwear became just one problem among many. It had been a bad year and I was in a funk, so I really couldn't be arsed with any of it. Until it involved family and friends. So, yeah, here we are again, but all hope is lost, and I'm more confused than a wizard at a barber's, but that's life, I guess. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Somewhat suicidal. less

A wizards worst nightmare had come to pass—my computer beeped at me. The night degenerated as we discovered all our hard-earned, some would say ill-gotten, gains had been hijacked. Then it turned hellish as witches entered the scene. Soon I'm trying to ignore the smell of patchouli and stop myself getting involved in business I have no right, or desire, to become involved in... moreA wizards worst nightmare had come to pass—my computer beeped at me. The night degenerated as we discovered all our hard-earned, some would say ill-gotten, gains had been hijacked. Then it turned hellish as witches entered the scene. Soon I'm trying to ignore the smell of patchouli and stop myself getting involved in business I have no right, or desire, to become involved in. But what's a poor wizard to do when a sexy witch in too little leather and too much jewelry asks nicely? Yeah, I said no, fat lot of good it did me. Now I'm stuck in the middle of warring factions, and if I don't pull a rabbit from the magic hat soon, friends, family, and even enemies will die. Little did I realize, my misplaced loyalty and heroics would get me killed. It's an occupational hazard, but even wizards run out of luck eventually. Oh, and there's the small matter of the Kinky Bones, but that comes later. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. A bit overwhelmed, to be honest. less

All I wanted was to raise something demonic from the Nolands to test my wizardly mettle, but I got a lot more than I bargained for. Not from the beastie, that was kind of a dud, but from my unwanted guest. Vamps from the east are in town, and they have strange peccadilloes. They aren't here to sample the local delicacies though, they have an altogether more sinister purpose. Before my visitor had chance to get nasty, we were kidnapped, and torture of the very painful kind was on the menu... moreAll I wanted was to raise something demonic from the Nolands to test my wizardly mettle, but I got a lot more than I bargained for. Not from the beastie, that was kind of a dud, but from my unwanted guest. Vamps from the east are in town, and they have strange peccadilloes. They aren't here to sample the local delicacies though, they have an altogether more sinister purpose. Before my visitor had chance to get nasty, we were kidnapped, and torture of the very painful kind was on the menu. Served him right, me not so much. But us magical misfits stick together, and soon there's a war raging that will tear our world apart. Vampires are pitted against vampires, wizards and witches unite against a common enemy—mainly because there are goodies in it for them—and I try to stop getting all my important bits chopped off in nasty ways. Just another day in the life of a poor wizard. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. A bit hurty. less

Never make a deal with a faery, especially a deal you're made to forget. Apparently I did, and I know for sure I regret it. Just because I got a little bit killed (again), seems that meant I had to step into the big guy's shoes for a while. No, not that big guy, but the Grim Reaper himself. But I didn't wanna, and nobody was gonna make me, so things got, shall we say, a little awkward. Hi, I'm Arthur, "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Death. Although I'm working on it.

A vacation's nice, but wizards need excitement, otherwise what's the point of having a wand and a nice hat?I got my wish. The moment I returned from honeymoon normal life resumed. Normal for me. Meaning, magic was in the air, someone was messing with citizens' emotions, and there was a missing girl to be found. A very special girl.Looked like The Hat was back in business.I should have stayed on the beach, even with the sand rubbing at my nether regions.Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster... moreA vacation's nice, but wizards need excitement, otherwise what's the point of having a wand and a nice hat?I got my wish. The moment I returned from honeymoon normal life resumed. Normal for me. Meaning, magic was in the air, someone was messing with citizens' emotions, and there was a missing girl to be found. A very special girl.Looked like The Hat was back in business.I should have stayed on the beach, even with the sand rubbing at my nether regions.Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Still chafing. less

When the disembodied head of a dead Ethiopian wizard keeps freaking out your wife, there's only one thing to do. Go get lost in the desert. With sand in every crevice, and not enough sunscreen, I wasn't in the best of moods before everything went to hell, which it inevitably did. Treasure hunts, evil wizards, death-defying stunts, it would have been a cool adventure if it hadn't happened to me. Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Praying for snow.

The final book in the series has arrived! A wizard on a break is like having your dangly bits whacked repeatedly by a maniacal tennis fanatic with a lot of balls (which happens quite a lot). It sucks. Unsurprisingly, entering the magical fray once more came with the usual problems, and they kept on multiplying. Faces from the past began to surface. Some welcome, some not so much. It was like they were all trying to tell me something, and that something wouldn't be nice... moreThe final book in the series has arrived! A wizard on a break is like having your dangly bits whacked repeatedly by a maniacal tennis fanatic with a lot of balls (which happens quite a lot). It sucks. Unsurprisingly, entering the magical fray once more came with the usual problems, and they kept on multiplying. Faces from the past began to surface. Some welcome, some not so much. It was like they were all trying to tell me something, and that something wouldn't be nice. Cerberus upped their game, people were dying all around me, and I had this horrible feeling this was all heading towards a dreadful conclusion. I should have seen it coming, but where would the fun be in that? Hi, I'm Arthur "The Hat" Salzman. Gangster. Wizard. Fighting the good fight until the end. less