Sex Criminals Single Issues Series by Matt Fraction, Chip Zdarsky

A SEX COMEDY FOR COMICSSuzie's a normal girl with an extraordinary ability: when she has sex, she stops time. One night she meets John... who has the same gift. And so they do what any other sex-having, time-stopping, couple would do: they rob banks... moreA SEX COMEDY FOR COMICSSuzie's a normal girl with an extraordinary ability: when she has sex, she stops time. One night she meets John... who has the same gift. And so they do what any other sex-having, time-stopping, couple would do: they rob banks. In the vein of THE 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN and BRIDESMAIDS, Image Comics invites you to come along with MATT FRACTION (Hawkeye, SATELLITE SAM) and CHIP ZDARSKY (Prison Funnies, Monster Cops) for the series that puts the "comic" back in “comics” and the "sexy" back in “sex crimes.” less

So who's the boy with the same sexy-time time-stopping gifts as Suzie? Meet John, who until last night thought he could freeze time with his junk. At long last not alone, what kind of horny hijinx will he and Suzie get up to together? What ANY of us would do if having sex stopped the whole world: We'd do crimes.

How did these two end up in that bank, with those guns? Because they seemed like such nice kids, right? Well, THE SEX POLICE have the same questions and descend on Susie and Jon. And we get the rest of Jon's gory story — if you read ONE weird sex and time comedy comic this year, make sure it's "My Sexual Errors 1998 — Present!"

She can seemingly control time and space with her...parts. She's as relentless a manhunter as law enforcement ever created. And by day she's no one you'd particularly notice, with her quiet suburban life and pleasant-enough job, but when the temporal dimension is used to break society's laws they call...HER. Jon and Suzie get in too deep way too fast as one little sexy fun party crime begets another and the villains of the piece descend. Turns out Jon and Suzie aren't the only ones after all…

The best part of a new relationship is the first three weeks, right? The rush of the new, the gravitational pull of the sudden other-ness in your life, the almost-illicit charge of nothing else mattering...and then it's time to pay the bills. Well, the honeymoon is over for the SEX CRIMINALS. Can Jon and Suzie survive Jon and Suzie?

After their narrow getaway from the Sex Police, Jon and Suzie are learning that this is “just the tip” of a massive iceberg. And what happens after the rush of a new relationship fades? Are they in love, lust, like, or just lame? Sexy fun times returns: We missed you so much, brimpers.

Jon breaks into Kegelface’s house and oh my golly what on EARTH do you think he finds there. Not only are our beloved Sex Criminals not alone...they’re not unwatched, either. And Suzie learns once and for all the fate of her precious library.

Jon and Suzie have had to deal with a whole lot in their time together but nothing can prepare them for...Robert Rainbow. Actually he's a pretty cool guy. And that's the problem.

Suze and Jon meet Ana. Or rather, meet Ana AGAIN. Or should we say, meet...Ms. Jazmine St. Cocaine AGAIN. Did we just put those words in that order in PREVIEWS? Yes. Yes we did. By MATT FRACTION (SEX CRIMINALS) and CHONNY ZDARKO (SEX CRIMINALS).

In which Jon and Suzie learn just how alone together we all are, and the stakes get raised crazy-high in this, the second arc finale. By MATT FRACTION (CASANOVA, ODYC, SATELLITE SAM) and just a great big bunch of C.H.U.D.s with photoshop or something.

NEW STORY! NEW ARC! SAME OLD MATT AND CHIP. Jon and Suzie have a gift: when they have sex, they stop time. And they're not alone. Get on board the book that's been called "hilarious" and "arousing" — by Chip's mommy. OH! All these issues? They're all in a sealed bag because 1000 totally random blank covers have been "customized" by Matt and Chip... moreNEW STORY! NEW ARC! SAME OLD MATT AND CHIP. Jon and Suzie have a gift: when they have sex, they stop time. And they're not alone. Get on board the book that's been called "hilarious" and "arousing" — by Chip's mommy. OH! All these issues? They're all in a sealed bag because 1000 totally random blank covers have been "customized" by Matt and Chip. Will YOU be one of the lucky ones (thousand)? Will YOUR copy be worth a million dollars one day because it is one-of-a-kind and unique (probably not)? YES! (No.) less

Suzie and Jon continue the worst recruitment plan in the history of entertaining second-act montage sequences. Getting the band together never had so many fluids. By Hollywood jerkhole MATT FRACTION (ODY-C, SATELLITE SAM, Hawkeye) and literally a shed-full of car keys that somehow manages to draw comics.

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That's right. That lovely woman that did Gronk and My Little Pony goes HARD N' FILTHY for the brimpers. One print run only. Sealed in pink polybags. Horribly filthy.

Everybody goes deeper and, no, for the first time, we do NOT mean it like that.

END OF STORY ARC All good things, like sex, crime, and this arc of SEX CRIMINALS, come to an end. And this one ends with CHARACTERS doing THINGS and making CHOICES that CHANGE EVERYTHING! In terms of, y'know, the SEX CRIMINALS comic book. Everything's still the same over in, like, Batman or whatever.

"FIVE-FINGERED DISCOUNT," Conclusion.How have we gotten through 24 issues already and not made an "exciting climax" joke in the solicits? C'mon, Matty, wake up and get your head in the game.

“THE END,” Part ThreeThe bad guy comes into rack focus. I didn't mean anything dirty by that, I mean, like, we learn a lot about him on the eve of the Big Job. That sounds dirty too. It's not. I mean, not really.