Fat Vampire Series by Johnny B. Truant

From the author of "Unicorn Western" comes a story of fangs and fast food…When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a thousand-year-old vampire... moreFrom the author of "Unicorn Western" comes a story of fangs and fast food…When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a thousand-year-old vampire. And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes. less

The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this second installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… +++++It's been six months since fast-food-addicted Reginald Baskin was turned into a vampire too fat to live peacefully amongst the glamorous undead -- six months in which Reginald and his two-thousand-year-old maker Maurice have learned that power doesn't equal popularity... moreThe story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this second installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series… +++++It's been six months since fast-food-addicted Reginald Baskin was turned into a vampire too fat to live peacefully amongst the glamorous undead -- six months in which Reginald and his two-thousand-year-old maker Maurice have learned that power doesn't equal popularity. Sure, Maurice is now calling the shots, but the Council is up to new and dirty tricks, threatening to once again upset the balance…But when the Vampire Nation faces genocidal violence at the hands of an unstoppable force and the very future of vampirekind is threatened, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki must find their allies elsewhere… buried deep underground in a foreign land. As is the case for the follow-up to any epic tale, Fat Vampire 2 isn't afraid to ask (and answer) the truly important questions in literature and in life:* Where did vampires come from, and can they possibly survive a force that bests them at every turn... that may even know them better than they know themselves?* Is there a war coming... and if so, who will ally with whom? * Why is Wilford Brimley in Reginald's kitchen?and * Is that an incubus in your pocket, or is it just really damn cold in here? You'd better read on and find out, because the big questions never seem to answer themselves. less

SAVE WITH THE FAT VAMPIRE BUNDLE!This book is also available in the "Fat Vampire Value Meal," which contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series. You can get it here: http://johnnybtruant.com/FVS+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this third installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…Following the infamous "Ring of Fire" incident, the world's vampires are in a state of panic... moreSAVE WITH THE FAT VAMPIRE BUNDLE!This book is also available in the "Fat Vampire Value Meal," which contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series. You can get it here: http://johnnybtruant.com/FVS+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this third installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…Following the infamous "Ring of Fire" incident, the world's vampires are in a state of panic. Having been commanded by their creators to restore a better balance between humans and vampires, panicked bloodsuckers everywhere have begun "restoring" in the best ways they know -- by killing huge numbers of humans and turning the rest.As more and more vampires go rogue and threaten to wage war, two-thousand-year-old Maurice's power as Deacon comes under fire, as the tens of thousands who hate him begin to rally together. And all the while, the Vampire Nation is falling apart, tumbling into chaos... as a war threatens to break, and as Reginald begins to discover some strange new supervampire abilities...Will the center hold? Or will chaos overtake the Nation before Reginald even has a chance to eat that pizza he ordered?ABOUT THE AUTHORJohnny B. Truant is the author of "Unicorn Western" and "The Bialy Pimps" and is one of the co-hosts the popular "Better Off Undead" podcast with "Yesterday's Gone" authors Sean Platt and David Wright. Both Better Off Undead and the trio's Self Publishing Podcast are available on iTunes. less

SAVE WITH THE FAT VAMPIRE BUNDLE!This book is also available in the "Fat Vampire Value Meal," which contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series. You can get it here: http://johnnybtruant... moreSAVE WITH THE FAT VAMPIRE BUNDLE!This book is also available in the "Fat Vampire Value Meal," which contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series. You can get it here: http://johnnybtruant.com/FVS+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this fourth installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…Following Maurice's near-assassination and the overthrow of the American Vampire Council, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki have fled to Luxembourg, where they've taken refuge under the protection of Karl Stromm and the EU Council. Things in America have continued towards chaos with no end in sight, ... but then just in time, a new leader appears, ready to restore order, and to avoid the human-vampire war that seems inches from explosion.Things are soon on the mend, but a dangerous faction seems determined to upset the fragile balance, plunging the world's vampires into a war on two fronts -- with a deadly and prepared human force on one side and the vampires' very creators on the other.And in the middle, one fat undead guy fights to be a voice of reason, eating blood-soaked pizza all the while.ABOUT THE AUTHORJohnny B. Truant is the author of "Unicorn Western" and "The Bialy Pimps" and is one of the co-hosts the popular "Better Off Undead" podcast with "Yesterday's Gone" authors Sean Platt and David Wright. Both Better Off Undead and the trio's Self Publishing Podcast are available on iTunes. less

MISSED BOOKS 1-4?The "Fat Vampire Value Meal" contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series at a 33% discount. Get it here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/...+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in the fifth and penultimate installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…The new vampire president and his genocidal right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months... moreMISSED BOOKS 1-4?The "Fat Vampire Value Meal" contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series at a 33% discount. Get it here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/...+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in the fifth and penultimate installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…The new vampire president and his genocidal right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them -- with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves.Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate, meanwhile, have found themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario. Is it better to fight with the fanged armies in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors -- and risk extermination by their makers -- in order to protect the humans?But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's unmatched vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war -- and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is... and when full-fledged war then breaks out and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out.Fat Vampire 5 is the biggest, bloodiest, most snack-filled installment in the Fat Vampire series so far, and sets the stage for the sixth book's epic series-ender -- a conclusion so big you'll want to unbuckle your belt and push back from the dinner table. less

Missed Books 1-5?++++++++++++++++++++The "Fat Vampire Value Meal" contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series at a 33% discount. Get it here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...Book #5 is here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this final installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…Forty years have passed since the end of the vampire/human war, and life is good... moreMissed Books 1-5?++++++++++++++++++++The "Fat Vampire Value Meal" contains books 1-4 in the Fat Vampire series at a 33% discount. Get it here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...Book #5 is here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...+++++The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in this final installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…Forty years have passed since the end of the vampire/human war, and life is good. Vampires have taken over the planet and have settled in, making themselves comfortable in the infrastructure their predecessors built... making just a few adjustments to ensure a permanent night. Humans are still around (tightly controlled, of course), because the alpha species needs to eat. But even after four decades of peace, Reginald can't shake his conviction that the war never really ended -- that the archive he holds in his blood still warns of an ominous change on the horizon.As old foes rise, the power structures of both races begin to falter and the very existence of life on Earth (both hot-blooded and undead) hangs in the balance. Reginald Baskin -- always an outcast, always neglected -- may be the only chance to save it. As Reginald steps into his destined role as a leader, he faces a startling realization that even he never saw coming... but after forty years of hate and violence, his solution may have come too late. The humans have developed new and frightening weapons, and they aren't afraid to use them -- even if it could mean the end of everything -- because in a world ruled by monsters, humanity has nothing left to lose.Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest marks the last chapter in the Fat Vampire saga. So belly up to the bar and loosen your belt, because the final course will fill you to bursting.ABOUT THE AUTHORJohnny B. Truant is the co-author of the science fiction political thriller The Beam, the Unicorn Western saga, and about a zillion other projects. In his non-writing time, Johnny is one of the hosts the Self Publishing Podcast and Better Off Undead, both of which are available in all the usual podcast places. less

This collection contains all six books in the Fat Vampire series!*** Save $7 over buying the books individually! ***This set contains:* Fat Vampire* Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken* Fat Vampire 3: All You Can Eat* Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger* Fat Vampire 5: Fatpocalypse* Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest+++++PRAISE FOR FAT VAMPIRE:"Johnny is a phenomenal writer. This book is nothing short of hilarious... moreThis collection contains all six books in the Fat Vampire series!*** Save $7 over buying the books individually! ***This set contains:* Fat Vampire* Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken* Fat Vampire 3: All You Can Eat* Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger* Fat Vampire 5: Fatpocalypse* Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest+++++PRAISE FOR FAT VAMPIRE:"Johnny is a phenomenal writer. This book is nothing short of hilarious. I started to read it at work, but had to stop almost immediately because I could not stop myself from laughing out loud.""Humor drips from every orifice of this story which couples well with the hints of gore and danger ever present in vampire literature. I found it very entertaining and I wish I had drawn it out a bit more instead of cashing out in one sitting. Five stars, no regrets.""At Last! An Original Vampire Story! I've read a fair few Vampire tales in recent years, and most are twilight clones, interview clones, or frankly bad fan fiction. This one is the first I've read for a long time that is genuinely original, well written, and also 'keeps to the rules'."+++++DESCRIPTION FOR FAT VAMPIRE (BOOK 1):When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.+++++Full descriptions for the other books in this series can be found through search.+++++ABOUT THE AUTHORJohnny B. Truant is the author of "Unicorn Western" and "The Bialy Pimps" and is one of the co-hosts the popular "Better Off Undead" podcast with "Yesterday's Gone" authors Sean Platt and David Wright. Both Better Off Undead and the trio's Self Publishing Podcast are available on iTunes. less